India's Answer to Oscars!

“Call an emergency meeting of writers, reality, sales and EM. One hour. My cabin.”

Channel head ordered his secretary and replaced the receiver even before getting an ‘OK sir’. He had just finished watching Oscars ceremony on his 50 inch TV. Somehow he wasn’t very pleased with the picture quality but then he himself had got it purchased claiming it was 4K, 3D, OLED, UHD, PhD and God only knows holder of what other degrees.

Usually after watching the awards ceremony he would Google atleast the movies which were nominees for the best picture. Having a little idea about the plot and cast of these movies made it easier dropping their names during dinner conversations and parties and made him sound knowledgeable about cinema. This trick had worked well till recently when a rival channel CEO started talking about Oscar-winning documentaries and short films and acquiring their telecast rights for his channel. The head had to resort back to time-tested formula of flowing along with the life jackets of ‘ofcourse’, ‘absolutely’, ‘yes, that one is great’ and the best one ‘I am thinking about French and Iranian content’ which was the only sentence needed to show the world that you knew about quality cinema.

But today, he was in contemplative mood. His once ‘leading’ channel was now lagging even the channels showing reruns of old shows of rival networks. Neither any new interesting shows were being pitched to his channel nor the parent network was emptying their pockets trying to buy the rights of new blockbuster movies. Their library seemed like a DVD-rental store where people would never return the DVDs.

While watching the awards ceremony, he thought he had hit the jackpot idea. His channel would host an award ceremony that would rival Oscars in terms of quality, magnitude, content and everything else that Oscars could be rivalled about. He had called the meeting with writers, reality TV producers, sales and event management executives for discussing this idea and executing it quickly.

In an hour about 15 people were assembled in the not-so-large-but-decent-for-15-people sized cabin of the head. He gave them a one line brief of “an award ceremony that would be called India’s Oscars”.

One of the writers sounded confused, “Isn’t Filmfare already called that? And even IIFA?” The head stared at him but even though no sparks flew out of his eyes, the writer was incinerated.

Another writer sensed the opportunity “Arre, anyone can call themselves anything! Tomorrow if Times Now calls itself Fox News, will it become Fox News!”.

“Aren’t they already” someone quipped and table burst out laughing. But the laughter was short lived because everyone noticed that Boss was still serious.

One event management guy said “I think sir wants an indoor event with a great set and a red carpet event with extensive coverage of who was wearing what and who came with whom and …”. He was interrupted by a producer “Seriously? Which award night doesn’t have all of this? And doesn’t TOI give us every single detail next day. I think sir has something more profound on his mind.”

Everyone, except the guy whom the producer had interrupted, silently thanked him hoping this praise made the boss more effusive and reveal what the hell he wanted!

The head smiled and said “Yes, you are right Rajiv. I want something more classy. More refined. Different. Wait a second, they are Live, right? Why can’t we do a Live ceremony like them?”

No one spoke.

Another producer broke the silence “Sir, if we do live, how will we show Amitabh Ji and Jaya Ji when Rekha Ji comes on stage to give an award. Or Deepika when Ranbeer gets an award. Or the audience laughter shots? You know most of the jokes these days are so lame that only some of the stars actually laugh so usually we are just repeating shots for every joke. And most importantly what about the promos? How will we shoot the promo where two superstars are going to fight with each other when they are just acting according to the script and after the break it all unfolds as a joke.”

One of the sales guys also felt emboldened “Yes sir and the ads in those breaks sir. We won’t be able to have half hour long ads between award for best actor and best picture sir. You know sir, we aren’t selling spots at same premium as others these days!”

“OK, fine we won’t do live. How about a great jury and an award so fare that the quality becomes our USP. We might have ‘Fair and Lovely’ as our title sponsor also!” The head winked and everyone laughed at the joke dutifully.

After the laughter subsided, one of the writers said “Sir, in that case we might not have most of the stars attending the ceremony you see. The stars attend the show because we promise them that they will get an award. Only Amit ji comes in the hope of his son or daughter in law winning. Poor guy! And if awards are going to people like Richa Chaddha, Sanjay Mishra, Nawazuddin Siddiqui then stars won’t turn up and who will watch an awards ceremony without stars.” Most of the people on the table had never heard of any other name except that of Nawazuddin Siddiqui and that too because he had acted with Bhai.

Somebody added “Who wants to watch Nawazuddin give a performance in an awards night?”

The head was losing his patience now. “Seriously guys, 15 of you can’t think of ONE way to make an award night different from the trillion already on air!” His voice rose a decibel with every syllable.

A young new writer had recently joined the team “Sir I have some ideas.” 15 pairs of eyes got focussed on him.

He continued “Sir we can have better script. Did you watch Chris Rock delivering his monologue on opportunities for Black Actors and diversity? Why can’t we have something like that? Priyanka Chopra played a north-eastern girl in ‘Marykom’ when any north-eastern actor could have done that role. Somebody gave veteran Assamese director and National Award winner Jahnu Barua ‘Best Debut Director’ award for his Hindi movie! Can you believe it? We have so much diversity in India and yet we don’t have diversity in our cinema. There is raci..”

Chief writer felt that new guy is hogging too much limelight so he interrupted him “Oh sir, Priyanka Chopra was at Oscars too. This year we give her a special award for being first Indian to give an award at Oscars.”

This opened flood gates and ideas flew thick and fast!

“Sir we create a new award catgory for actors and actresses in Hollywood movies and TV.”

“Sir we create a new award category for kids of stars. Anyways they get awards once they start acting in movies. This way we will have dibs on them!”

“Sir we give an award to Sanjay Dutt for coming out of jail. And one to Salman Khan for staying out of jail.”

“Sir we give an award to Karan Johar for hosting so many awards. We call it ‘Lifetime Award Hosting Achievement Award’.”

For next 30 minutes cabin was awash with creative juices of the men and women in the room. Many more innovative ideas were given and taken for creating an award which would be termed as India’s answer to Oscars.

“Vimal Pan Masala presents Fair & Lovely Sony Cineblitz Cinema Excellence Awards powered by Kurkure and Nerolac Tractor Emulsion” is coming soon to a TV Screen near you.

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'Hugo' is heartwarming. Movie Review.

I am a huge fan of Martin Scorcese. I liked 'The Aviator',  loved 'The Departed' and was blown away with 'Shutter Island'. And maybe it's just a coincidence that all the three films starred Leonardo DiCaprio for who m my respect has grown ever since his role of Howard Hughes in 'The Aviator'. 


But then 'Hugo' is not a typical Scorcese film. 


I had heard a lot about the movie when almost all the critics said that it SHOULD win the Oscar for Best Picture but it WOULD lose to 'The Artist' (and all of them proved right!) but never cared to find out what it was about. Also at that time the focus of popular press was largely on 'The Artist' due to its unconventional style and story and to a big extent on George Clooney's 'The Descendants', Brad Pitt's 'Moneyball' and Spielberg's 'Warhorse'. 


'Hugo' is a semi-biopic. It tells the story of one of the pioneers of early cinema and inventor of Special Effects, French producer, director, actor Georges Méliès (pronouced Melez) through the story of an orphan boy living on a railway station.


After the death of his expert watchmaker father (Jude Law) in a museum fire, young Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield) is taken by an uncle to live and work with him as a clock keeper on Paris Railway Station. Apart from living in the clock towers, winding the clocks and stealing food to live, Hugo has to fix a humanoid automaton, which his father found in the museum. He is caught stealing from a toy store by its owner who takes his notebook containing drawings of the automaton and its parts. Hugo pleads with the owner to return his notebook but he declines. He is helped by owner's Goddaughter Isabelle in his quest and he returns favor by introducing her to world of movies. He shows her the automaton and reveals to her the reason of his efforts to fix it.  And then together they find something that reveals many secrets and changes many lives. 


Now why is Hugo so desperate to get back the notebook, what is the mystery of automaton and who is the toy store owner form the crux of the story.


The film won the Academy Awards for Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing and Best Visual Effects and I wonder why Howard Shore didn't win the award for best Musical Score! It is his beautiful and lilting score which brings that cozy and heartwarming feel to the story even though it is set on a buzzing railway station.


It's a period film and hence the look is obviously vintage but still contributing to atmospherics is Robert Richardson's cinematography which once again gives a soft feel to surroundings. The scenes of Hugo jumping across, sliding down or climbing up the stairs with huge gears, dials and wheels whirring about mechanically are spectacular.


Asa Butterfield as 12 year old Hugo Cabret is very believable. He doesn't try to evoke any sympathy as an orphan trying to make his ends meet while managing to stay out of the clutches of Station Inspector. Chloë Grace Moretz as Isabelle plays a copybook 'supporting character' who helps Hugo in his pursuit while risking the wrath of her Godmother Mama Jeanne (played by Helen McCrory, better known as Narcissa Malfoy in Harry Potter series. Also to be seen from Harry Potter are Uncle Dursley (Richard Griffiths) and Frances De La Tour who played Madame Maxime in Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire!)


But old Ben Kingsley takes the centerstage when it comes to acting honors. He plays a grumpy toy store owner who has a long kept secret behind him. (This is all I can say without giving out the crux of the film!)


I am sucker for movies. And this is a movie ABOUT movies which makes it even more endearing for me. As I said this is a not a typical Scorcese film but it has to be his most endearing movie, one which will bring smile to your face.
Absolutely must watch. 

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Frying the 'Bheja' of Audience!

’Bheja Fry’ was a shameless ripoff of French film ’Le Dinner de Cons’ and in the ’finest’ trends of Bollywood no credits were given to the original. The film went on to do well and as it usually happens director got infected with ’Blockbusteritis’, an infectious disease that makes directors think that since they are so good that they could make a small budget, no-star movie a hit their next movie will have bigger budget, fancier (and larger) star cast, an overseas shooting location and a surefire superhit tag automatically. The only thing to take a back seat is the writing as it happens!


What director Sagar Ballary forgot is that the simplicity of the narrative was what made his protagonist endearing and the humor crackling. The confrontation between him and Mr Smarty pants was the crux of the movie. No more!


But since ’Bheja Fry 2’ was supposed to be a bigger budget movie, we have boatloads of characters, needless subplots to give all these people something to do, a cruise and an island for the setting and a few item numbers (mercilessly not included in the movie or else I would have killed myself!) which as you would have guessed by now, leaves very less time for the aforementioned ’crux’, the confrontation.


The point that this movie could have been better if the director would have been true to the original premise is proven by the fact that the only laughable parts in the entire movie are between KK and his onscreen nemesis Vinay Pathak who are both marooned on an island. The remaining film (and that is a very large part) is spent in establishing the characters and trying veryy hard to make you laugh. This includes Bharat Bhushan (Pathak) and his Malyali colleague Shekharan (Suresh Menon) exchanging innovative expletives to denounce each other’s region!


Vinay Pathak should take a long break because it is getting difficult to separate one of his performance from others. He seemed to continue right from where he left in ’Chalo Dilli’. A simple, talkative, common man having a penchant for singing and annoying habits but with a heart of gold! Similarly KK should do a few roles where he is not doing some evil including being a lecherous man salivating for the heroine. Minisha Lamba who plays Miss Goody Two Shoes is decent but such roles don’t add anything to her kitty. Amol Gupte who plays an eccentric photographer takes the cake in hamming and his character was too much for me to suffer.


At the end of ’Bheja Fry 2’ Bhushan forgives the man who tried to bump him off, I wish I had such a generous attitude towards the makers of this movie!

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If 'Game' rhymes with lame, it's not just coincidence!

I don't know how many of you remember the posters of 'Tera Jadoo Chal Gaya', the second film of Abhishek Bachchan which actually was supposed to be his debut film (that honor(?) went to J.P. Dutta's 'Refugee'). Since the director A. Muthu was an unknown entity in North the posters emphasized the name (and stature) of Vashu Bhagnani, who was bankrolling Govinda's golden year No.1 movies.

I was sane enough in 2000 not to fall for Bhagnani's charade because I was not a fan of his kind of cinema and skipped TJCG, but this time I fell for the producer of Junior Bachchan's latest flick. 'Game' is produced by Excel Entertainment, Farhan Akhtar's production house and though their last film 'Karthick Calling Karthick' is remembered only for making "Murali Karthik stumped by Dinesh Karthick" kind of jokes I still had faith that Akhtar's name stands for sensible and entertaining cinema.

Otherwise why should you watch a movie which has 1) a director whose only claim to fame till now is that he happens to be the director of Amir Khan's 'Delhi Belly' (apart from the fact that he is a hotshot ad film maker), 2) got not more than 2 stars in every single review, 3) doesn't a single hummable song and worst of all, 4) has Kangna Ranaut playing a police officer!

The good things first because we will run through them quite fast. The film is slick and not 'Sanjay Gupta slick' which means enough leather that will require every single cow on the planet to be slaughtered and lots of slow motions shot in sepia. The cinematography of KV Thyagarajan which makes both the locales and ladies look absolutely gorgeous is great. (On second thoughts, you can't go much wrong with Ranaut and Sarah Jane Dias, can you?)

The story by Althea Delmas Kaushal (and that's one person, thank you) is supposedly based on Agatha Christy's 'And There Were None'. And this adaptation has so many loopholes that if Christy would be alive today she would have committed suicide than get her name associated with such a film.

One problem of stylish films is that in order to add the gloss, the makers overlook small details, which come as jarring. So Ms. Ranaut plays Sia Agnihotri a 'Chief Investigation Officer' from something called 'International Vigilance Squad' and comes at a murder scene wearing a shoulder holster and an ID-card like IT employees! A foot chase sequence (exceedingly well shot in Istanbul) so bizarre in its motive that I couldn't understand head or tail of it! (Why would you follow a man in such a way that he finds out you are following him?)

The surveillance mechanism of the International Vigilance Squad is so good that a phone call made to Andheri Police Station immediately finds its way to its officers travelling to Mumbai, but is so bad that a man under scrutiny flies across continents without them being any wiser.

A character who is supposedly 'deep undercover' blows his cover and joins Ms Agnihotri in investigation without batting an eyelid and worrying about his existing operations (about which we are not told anything anyways!)

A man sneaks in the house of a Thai PM candidate, undetected without any apparent external help and bugs his room and phone and then in the apartment of a top Hindi movie star and beats him black and blue (actually pulpy red!) It is these leaps of faith that the film demands and I can not supply. See if you can.

The film tries to establish its characters early in the first half as billionaire Kabir Malhotra invites 4 Indians from different cities (with a letter which has just their names on envelope, no addresses needed you see!) to his island in Greece and holds 3 of them responsible for his abandoned daughter's death (umm.. sir can I ask a question: why did you leave her in first place? Shut up and sit down, no questions) while anointing the 4th as his second daughter. The morning later he is killed. Pretty good mystery you would say. Pretty bad on screen if you dare to watch! The second half goes completely berserk with useless subplot and useless twist. And if you thought the mystery is engrossing you are wrong. You can guess the killer quite early but the motive remains the mystery.

Boman Irani, that fine actor, is reduced to hamming as aforementioned short tempered Thai PM candidate. Jimmy Shergil playing Vikram Kapoor the star, is his usual pitiful soul with blood on his hands (pun intended) while Shahana Goswami plays Tisha, a crime reporter in London (who has got 3 cases of drunken driving in a month and managed to keep her channel oblivious of it).

It was supposed to be Abhishek Bachchan's film but due to colossal disaster named 'Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Se' Eros decided to give equal weightage to other actors in the publicity. And in my opinion the casting director got this role of Neil Menon, an Istanbul based casino owner/drug smuggler perfectly cast but Bachchan is saddled with quite lame dialogues and uninspired writing.

And writing is below par in every form, dialogues by Farhan Akhtar and lyrics by papa Akhtar included! Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy make you want to give them a 'De Ghuma Ke' with completely disappointing score.

There is a scene where Bachchan's character says 'I need some fresh air'. Trust me, he echoed my sentiments!

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A tale of two tales. Dhobi Ghat and 127 Hours

Last week I watched two movies which evoked extreme reactions from movie goers: 'Dhobi Ghat' and '127 Hours', specially the former.

'Dhobi Ghaat' is a commercial success no doubt but Kiran Rao's maiden directorial venture is not your regular commercial film and with an abstract story line that tries to string the characters very loosely, it wasn't difficult to understand why people were restless. However being restless is one thing and being jackass is another. My whole experience of watching the movie was ruined by people chattering loudly about how lame the film is and laughing where I couldn't even spot the joke. Like a scene where classical music is playing in painter Arun's house. I mean WTF? Since when classical music has become a joke to be laughed at loud? And if you are so annoyed by a film, for God's sake get the hell out of the hall and let those who want to watch it in peace, do so.

It is a film where you have to go with an open mind and give the film a chance to work its charm on you. Prateik Babbar is enthrallingly fresh Monica Dogra get's lion's share of screen time and she is defintely good. However I liked the way the fourth story and character of Muslim girl (played by Kriti Malhotra) has been presented. As a fact this girl is not even a live character in the movie but she has been brought to life by her diaries and though her story doesn't have much of an impact on the course of the plot, it is very engaging and heart wrenching.

Yes, the film is a drag at certain points but then the amazing background score by Oscar winner Gustavo Santolalla is enough to enjoy even those parts.

Second film '127 Hours' didn't have to face such bad reactions however many people considered

it to be slow and dragging. My question to these people is: what the hell did you expect in a story of a man stuck for 5 days in a crevice? I am sure if it was a Bollywood/Tollywood/Kollywood film helmed by some masala director, there would have been plenty of flashbacks where hero's entire life would have been shown to us. A couple of romantic songs and if producer demanded, even an item number!

And the absence of all these distractions is what I loved most about '127 Hours'. Danny Boyle has kept the focus solely on the man trapped. The delusions and devils that are in his minds and how he resolves not to loose his hope and will to survive and how he tries to find humor even in his dire condition. My favorite sequence is when he believes that in his entire life, all his actions have been forcing him to this 'crack on the face of earth'. This thought is gut wrenching and coupled with spectacular shot of the crevice in the Grand Canyon it's impact is multiplied many fold.

Amputation scene is gross and I admit that I could not watch it. James Franco is adjective defyingly good and the cinematography by Anthony Dod Mantle and Enrique Chediak (the sequences shot at close quarters in the crevice are stunning) is superb. I had been hearing the OST of this film but to understand how impressive it is, you must watch the film. A. R. Rahman's music actually enhances the flavor of scenes. It may not win any awards but I really feel it is better than Slumdog Millionaire's.

One last thing. I think Leonardo di Caprio could have played Aron Ralston as good as James Franco, only Franco looks like carbon copy of Ralston. What do you say?

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If ‘Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron’ was made today

(Originally written for and published on PassionForCinema.com on August 5, 2010)

Dharmveer Bharti’s epic novel ‘Gunaahon Ka Devta’ had more than the obvious (psychological!) effects on me: I decided to make a movie titled ‘Seema’ (name of the female protagonist). So I designed a poster for it and played casting director and my friend Vikas did the same and then we compared notes. I don’t remember my list but I remember that my cast had better actors than his and I never let him forget it.

Ravi Baswani’s untimely demise put a lot of focus back on ‘Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron’. This movie was released one year after I was born and I remember literally (yes, literally) Rolling On The Floor Laughing (ROTFL in SMS lingo!) when I watched it on TV in mid-90s. Watching the CNN-IBN special on the movie left me a bit nostalgic and geared up to take this as a new project for playing casting director. Once again Vikas was roped in for the challenge and he was game.

We had to select an entirely new cast, with no actor from the original movie. The physical resemblance though not THE most important criterion, is still one of the points to be kept in mind. Also actors should be playing their age. So even though a young actor can be made up 40 year old, it will be great if he/she plays a character that suits his/her age and personality.

Keeping these points in mind here is the cast that we have proposed for “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron” if it was made today.

Vinod Chopra: Nasseruddin Shah. Proposed: Irfan Khan (2nd choice: Kay Kay Menon)

Vikas suggested Irfan’s name and I agreed (much to his surprise!). But Irfan is a superb actor and his style of comedy is what I feel is just right for a satirical film like this. But my second choice is KK Menon and more I try to visualize him in different scenes, more I get convinced that he will be as good if not better than Irfan. Tough choice here!

Sudhir Mishra: Ravi Baswani. Proposed: Sharman Joshi

To express the quirkiness that Baswani did with his twitching eyes would be a difficult task for Sharman but both Vikas and I think he will be perfect side kick for Vinod Chopra. Physical resemblance apart Sharman’s comic timing is what I am banking on for this role.

Commissioner D’Mello: Satish Shah. Proposed: Boman Irani

Giving him a role that needs him to act as corpse half the time? I know it’s criminal wastage of talent but then thinking of the other half I can’t really imagine anyone else and that says a lot about Satish Shah’s portrayal of the role! Boman Irani is a great actor and he will truly rock in this role.

Shobha Sen: Bhakti Barve. Proposed: Konkona Sen Sharma

Konkona is a fabulous actor and I believe she will be able to portray the ruthless (and flirty when needed) editor perfectly. Physically too she matches Bhakti Barve to the T.

Ahuja: Om Puri. Proposed: Pawan Malhotra (2nd choice: Manoj Vajpayee/Rajesh Vivek)

This is what I believe is my casting coup! Vikas suggested Manoj Vajpayee and then Rajesh Vivek. But it is not as confusing as it seems due to three names doing the rounds here because I am convinced that Pawan is the perfect fit for this character. It’s a pleasure to watch him on screen and not only is sure to match Om Puri in acting skills but also will in appearance (of those times). Vikas doesn’t agree but I am adamant.

Tarneja: Pankaj Kapoor. Proposed: Manoj Pahwa (2nd choice: Manu Rishi)

Paresh Rawal seems to be obvious choice but I have reservations against his strong Gujarati/Marathi accent which kinda typecasts his style of acting. Manoj Pahwa is a veteran in such roles and this role seems to be tailor made for him. Second choice Manu Rishi was the pleasant surprise in “Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!” and though we haven’t seen much of him lately, I believe he will be able to pull off this very important role well.

Tarneja’s secretary Priya: Neena Gupta. Proposed: Neha Dhupia

There were various contenders for the role of this Indian version of dumb blonde secretary. Celina Jetly, Riya Sen, Rimi Sen and most of the new 1-film wonder actresses but I pick Neha Dhupia because she is a better actress among this brigade.

Tarneja’s PA Ashok: Satish Kaushik. Proposed: Vijay Maurya

Satish Kaushik played whining buffoon to a hilt but Vijay Maurya is already getting featured in people’s favorite actors lists! Even though physical resemblance is being somewhat ignored here, I think Maurya will easily pull this one off.

Asst. Municipal Commissioner Srivastav: Deepak Qazir. Proposed: Deepak Dobriyal

Deepak is one of the finest actors around and versatility could be his middle name. I have seen him in ‘Omkara’ and ‘Delhi 6′ and his ability to look his character makes him one of the most dependable actors around. I believe he will better the original performance by his senior namesake.

Assistant Editor Kamdar: Rajesh Puri. Proposed: Rajpal Yadav

Rajpal Yadav is a very competent actor but he is not doing his reputation any good by joining Priyadarshan’s Institute of Shout Acting (yes Priyan has taken loud acting to a whole new level!). But even though Vikas is not very keen on Yadav, I think he will be a good addition to team and his comic timing could be a great asset in the Mahabharat sequence.

This is the cast that I believe will do justice to one of my most favorite films of all times. You are free to disagree and recommend your favorite actors for these roles. What are you waiting for, jump to the comment form now!

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Why does 4th Estate act as 4th Idiot?

Before comparisons with 'Five Point Someone' and Chetan Bhagat's allegations hit the press, only thing being written about '3 Idiots' after the release was its box office collections. The business is being claimed to be even better that previous topmost grosser 'Ghajni'.

As is the trend in the country, our mainstream media (and obviously the film awards) measures the worth of a movie by the crores it makes, or doesn't. Come the award season (which is round the corner) this film will sweep all the awards. Come the Oscar nomination time and Delhi/Mumbai based 'national' channels will start propping this and some other money raker as India's nominees.

Coming back to movie's collections and how media has gone in a collective orgasm about how many crores the film has made in first week itself. Does anyone pause to remember that it is just an year ago that 'Ghajni' had set new records? The reason was extensive release and inflated ticket rates in multiplexes. Once again we the movie goers have been made to payup through the roof for the movie. Instead of highlighting this producer-multiplex nexus which ultimately makes general public suffer, media simply shouts from the rooftop whatever numbers the PR agency sends to it, without even trying to validate those figures.

Secondly, if a movie makes truckloads of money does it mean it is a great film? Many critics have said that Raju Hirani's previous outings in Munnabhai series are lot better than '3 Idiots'. But since this movie has made more money than other two combined, does it make it better than them? I don't think so. So just why is media so pumped up by its earnings? Report about the earnings, but don't make it the best thing ever happened to cinema just because it has made money.

Is it too much to ask for?

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HOME : Limited Edition!

One thought that stays with me during entire duration of Yann Athus-Bertrand's "HOME" is that if I would have been able to capture even a single snap among innumerable frames in its 93 minute duration, I would consider my life not a near-total waste!


HOME is a spectacular movie, and I think that is understatement of the decade. More beautiful than I ever saw anything on NatGeo or Discovery, this movie shot almost entirely in slow motion and more often than not from very high altitudes gives an amazing view of our home, the earth!

It's about how we have changed the planet in last 40 years. Not going stats-heavy like 'An Inconvenient Truth' but still giving the details about how things are changing and how we may be affected. Often accompanied by very sarcastic (and impressive) quotes and stark comparisons between lifestyles.

One of my most favorite sequences is about Dubai. The camera already perched high, starts from the bottom of a sky scraper and continues to move towards the pinnacle while background score (once again terrific throughout!) reaches a crescendo! Awe inspiring and frightening at the same time.

Watch Home, on YouTube till 14th June. Even if you don't care about planet, may be you will once you realize it is SO beautiful.

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U, Me and DYPC: My first movie :)

This is recession time and so I thought of looking for an alternative career and what can be better than my long cherished dream of being a film director! So here is the grand premiere of my debut movie and too an animated film...

(OK, enough of nonsense. I had been planning to make a small video to promote our venture DonateYourPC.in and here it is!) Please give your feedback about the movie and I would love if you could forward it to your friends/colleagues. Yeah it's not exactly a viral :(

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OkTataByeBye does a MMT with 'Gajodhar'

If anyone had any doubts of what a cult Aamir Khan's rendition of Surya's original outing in 'Ghajini' is turning out to be, the latest viral from OkTataByeBye.com is here to clear all of them!

This is absolutely hilarious stuff and brings back memories (after Ghajini this word has acquired a completely new meaning, isn't it?) of brilliant virals from MakeMyTrip.com and Airtel. And if you are not suffering from any kind of amnesia ('anterograde' or whatever!) you will remember that it was MMT only (another travel and tour related site) which started this trend of virals in India.

Incidentally the OTBB viral has been done by WebChutney.com who had done all the MMT and many other virals.

Watch ALL the WebChutney virals here: http://www.webchutney.com/virals/

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Who will steal my heart?

You come to office and open your mailbox. The first unread mail has a subject: Who will win 's heart? John or Priyanka? Tell me what will your reaction be?

Now, it's not my fault that I share my first name with one of the biggest Bollywood stars these days.

Trust me, for a split nano-second I was like 'WTF! what IS this?'

And then I saw the sender's name.

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A Tale Of Two Movies (And A Journalistic Test!)

I was curious to hear Rajeev Masand's review of 'Singh is Kinng' on CNN-IBN. Not because I adore Rajeev but because that movie was co-produced by Studio 18 and distributed by Indian Film Company, both Network 18 companies and sister concerns of CNN-IBN. 

In other words it was a test of Network 18's editorial integrity that whether they keep commerce above journalism or vice-versa. I am happy that they passed the test and whatever else the channel might have done to promote the movie (which is routine stuff nowdays) they didn't use Rajeev Masand to cheat the viewers.

This weekend Times group was taking the test. 'Hari Puttar - A comedy of terrors' produced by Mirchi Movies, a Times Group Company was released and I was eager to read Nikhat Kazmi's review. 

Now I must admit that I have not watched the movie so I can't condemn/corroborate Ms Kazmi's opinion of the movie. As a matter of fact by looking at the trailer itself I had anticipated that this is a blatant copy of 'Home Alone' and had decided to miss this movie (and the promos also!). 

However the TOI rating of 'Hari Puttar' is astounding 3.5 stars! And that keeps it in the league of 'Mumbai Meri Jaan'!!! Can you believe that?

(To put things in proper context this film ('Hari Puttar') has got 0/5 from Rajeev Masand (CNN-IBN), 1/5 from Taran Adarsh (IndiaFM.com) and 1/5 from Khalid Mohammad (Hindustan Times). NDTV's Anupama Chopra doesn't give ratings but she says for this movie "Steer clear and Rent Home Alone instead.")

Surely Ms. Kazmi has a different taste from her counterparts. And she has every right to stand apart from others undoubtedly. However I wanted to mention another 'news article' titled "Hari Puttar casts a spell' that appeared in Hyderabad Times on friday. It was about an 'exclusive premier' of the film. (I am not saying what T.N. Ninan had said!)

Ummm... ahh... well what is your verdict about Times Group's performance in aforementioned test? 

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Summer Sounds

After nearly an year long hiatus I thought of writing about my favorite albums and songs this summer and there are quite a few things to talk about!

Two albums are tied for the Top Position in my list: 'Aamir' and 'Jane Tu Ya Jane Na'.

'Aamir' was the debut film for its producers (UTV Spotboy Films), director (Raj Kumar Gupta), hero (Rajiv Khandelwal) and its music director (Amit Trivedi) and one must applaud Trivedi for his fantastic debut. The album spans every genre in today's popular music and every song is a treat. Even 'theme music' makes a comeback after long time and is pretty good. Lyrics are good however a few grammatical mistakes like 'raat ka bhor' sound awkward!

Album features 'Dilruba' from 'Kailasa' and 'Bandya' from 'Khuda Ke Liye' and I need not say that these tracks enhance the value of this album even more!

If the first album was from a debutante, the other belongs to a maestro! 'JTYJN' as it is called in SMS lingo, is such a different offering from A R Rahman, that it doesn't even seem to be a Rahman creation. You need not listen to the songs repeatedly to be hooked to them, it happens in very first hearing itself! Featuring 10 unheard voices the songs sound mint fresh and range across emotions. Director Abbas Tyrewala has penned the songs and though his writing is a bit cliched, I didn't mind really.

Disappointments:
Love Story 2050 - What was Anu Malik thinking when he was doing music for this film. Ofcourse songs should look good onscreen, but that doesn't mean that they should sound bad otherwise! Only a couple of songs are appealing for their melody, rest seem to have been composed to just provide Harman Baweja and Priyanka Chopra ample chances to dance.

Mission Istanbul - No, don't blame me of being biased against Anu Malik. It's not my fault that his second big album features here. It's just because these two were big budget films and one expected to have good music for them. Forget tunes, Malik has nothing innvative even in arrangement. It's no coincidence that 'Apun Ke Sath' reminds you of 'Ganpat' ('Shootout at Lokhandwala'). Again only one of the tracks ('Jo Gumshuda') is worth listening.

So So:
Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic - Shankar Mahadevan is a good singer, and this album shows you when too much of a good thing can be a little...not so good! Mahadevan is the single male voice in this album and that's not very good news. The music seems to lack novelty and is partly in 'Jhoom Barabar Jhoom' mode (ohh just remembering that album gives me shivers. May be I should start calling it 'You Know What'). 'Lazy Lamhe' may rise in charts due to sultry, sexy avatar of Amisha Patel. Prasoon Joshi's lyrics are perhaps best among everything I talked here about. But the album is at best an average offering.


This is what I think about bollywood music, would love to know what you think.

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Movie Review: Dhan Dhana Dhana Goal

A bunch of part-timers solidifying into a team with sole aim of fighting the 'goras' to save their land. Underdogs beating the champions after the opposition's attempt of breaking the team didn't succeed. Ashutosh Gowarikar's Lagaan? Yes, and director Vivek Agnihotri's latest release 'Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal'.

Underdogs-beating-Champions is a perennial theme in the films of sport genre. You always know that in last 2 minutes the hero (or heroine) will hit the winning goal/claim the last wicket/score the winning run/reach the finish line or whatever and redeem the disgraced coach/fulfill the dreams of the community etc. etc.

What separates one good film from a bad one is everything else that goes on. And there is actually lot of 'else' going on. So much that game gets lost at times.

Goal introduces the UBCD (UK Born Confused Desi, the British counterpart of more famous ABCD, America Born Confused Desi) to Indian audiences, which could have been a good thing, had the director dealt it a little deftly. The film barely scratches this confusion because it is busy in digging up the issue of racism in English society, and this is precisely where it fails.

(My recommendation:watch 2004 Best Picture Academy Award winner 'Crash' if you have to watch a really sensitive film on the issue of racism)

The sensitivity required to portray the issue has been replaced with jingoism and unnecessary sense of nationalism ('Hindustan' and 'Hindustaniyat') which is so excessive (in reel-length if not content) that it puts you off. You can sense there is a problem when you hate the protagonists when they do the foul mouthing. There is hardly any viciousness in English racial slur ('Paki') and the pain in the hurt it causes.

And talk of the clichés. There is a disgraced coach (as I mentioned above!) who agrees to coach the team (and comes directly to ground) after refusing initially but giving in when captain calls him a failure and coward. Yawn!

Writing is at best patchy. If Rohit Malhotra and Vikramaditya Motwane's screenplay is overflowing with cliches and a sense of deja vu, Malhotra and Anurag Kashyap have done pretty good job in dialogues. (But I can't forgive 'alag alag rang ke phhol sath mein kitne achhe lagte hain')

The first half goes in establishing the 'team' and troubles facing them and is almost as lively as a dead turkey. Second half has lot more action in terms of happening on the soccer pitch as well as story movement. But again most of the moments are predictable. Climax is well conceived and executed but a coach and a 'physiotherapist' (-cum-girlfriend of the star footballer) lets him play a match which could be fatal to his life, is beyond my understanding!

But the film has its moments like the one where a child tells Sunny (the star Asian player) that he is his (Wayne) Roony. (Ohh how I wish there was this subtlety throughout and now I realise that this was one of the reasons I liked Chak De!)

Southall has been shot pretty well, but most of the football matches seem a lot to be desired. Casual soccer hobbyists like me may like the scenes of Manchester United club and ground. (You diehard fans would already have seen all this on ESPN-Star Sports!)

Unlike Chak De this film may be about a team game but not about team. There are team-moments but individuals always loom large: Shan, the captain of Southall United Football Club and part time Chef in his own restaurant and Sunny, the professional footballer who is the star. Count others: Tony Singh, the yesteryear great, now coach of this team; wives of everyone, and team members!

Arshad Warsi has been dependable actor mostly and he delivers. I just wish that his character was better written. Why does Shan hate Sunny even when he believes that only Sunny can fulfill his dream of winning Championship? Why does he not talk to his team mates when they don't play well but just keeps on shouting 'idiots'? John Abraham has got Rocky S to make him look good and he does that! He has already played a brat in 'Taxi No. 9211' and he does that here as well. Boman Irani stands out as coach, but his version of '70 Minute' (The pre-climax pep talk) doesn't actually stand out as good as that of Kabir Khan (SRK in Chak De)!

Did someone say Bipasha Basu? I guess UTV guys made director take her at the last moment at the last moment so that they could get a little air-time on channels as a John-Bipasha movie. She does nothing, except wearing a RN jersey and saying things like 'I am sexy and you too are sexy'. Shame. Among others Kushal Punjabi impresses.

To its credit Goal qualifies as a sports film and doesn't merely pass of the sport as a backdrop for the drama, but then it is not able to captivate the viewer throughout its length! Go for it if you don't have anything to do, otherwise better still wait for TV Premiere.

My rating 2 stars.

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When success is a two-edged sword

This article was originally written for and published on PassionForCinema.com on 27th November 2007: http://passionforcinema.com/success-is-a-double-edged-sword/

Some months back I read the book review of 'Orson Welles: A Biography' by Barabara Leaming.

I have always known Welles as the creator of the great 'Mars Attack' hoax on radio. This article however was focussed on Orson Welles, the director of 'Citizen Kane' (for those who don't know, this movie repeatedly tops the list of 'Greatest Movies of All times').

Barabara Leaming has argued that the initial acclaim that got associated with 'Citizen Kane' and hence with Welles has been a double edged sword for the prolific writer-actor-director-producer Welles. On one hand, it established him as one of the 'greatest' creative geniuses in the cinematic world and on the other it robbed him and the world of so much that he could have done. (She says that many film critics feel forced to include 'Citizen Kane' in their favorites' lists because it is 'considered' to be such a great film!)

According to Leaming, after the grand success of 'Citizen Kane', Orson Welles spent many years and many millions (of studio money, ofcourse!) trying to recreate something as grand and successful. But very few of his works after 'Citizen Kane' got to see the light of the day, and they too were hardly a patch on his on own previous work.

I have always thought of similar stories in Hindi cinema where too much early acclaim has had not-so-good impact on the makers.

Mahesh Manjrekar : I have not seen 'Vaastav' (actually I went inside the hall, but had to leave because my sister was with me and I thought obscenities were too inappropriate!) but I remember that almost all the critics hailed Manjrekar as hope of new generation 'aggressive' cinema. He changed gears and delivered 'Astitva' and proved that he could handle sensitive issues as deftly. But after that the downfall started! 16 flop and insipid films tell tale.

Vikram Bhatt: He could have at the top of this list but for an occasional hit like 'Awara Pagal Deewana'. With 'Speed' Vikram just scored his 10th consecutive dud. Sample his recent outings: Speed (2007),Life Mein Kabhie Kabhiee (2007),Red: The Dark Side (2007),Ankahee (2006),Deewane Huye Paagal (2005),Jurm (2005),Elaan (2005),Aetbaar (2004),Inteha (2003).Vikram Bhatt is one of the topmost DVD directors of India and one of his most successful films Ghulam was a ripoff of 'On the Waterfront'. So were 'Kasoor' and 'Raaz'. He is still busy ripping Hollywood but whatever happened!

E. Nivas: 'Love ke Liye Kuchh Bhi Karega' was bearable, but the man who debuted with 'Shool' seemed to be finished with first outing itself! What followed were disasters like 'Dum' and 'Bardaasht'! Surprising indeed. Let's hope 'My Name is Anthony Gonzalves' and 'De Taali' are better.

Sujoy Ghosh : This may seem pre-mature and I WANT that it proves to be. Because I loved 'Jhankaar Beats'. This was a farm fresh film with a farm fresh attitude and amazing style of narration. Everything that could go right was, and I can watch reruns as many times as they show. But what was 'Home Delivery'? Ghosh got lost in his own style and delivered such a great dud, not only commercially but also creatively that it was almost heart breaking!

Ram Gopal Verma: Ahem! I know you are ready to kick me for this one, but I really think that if someone has been spoilt by acclaim, it is this gentleman. He is supposed to be a 'maverick' and taking risk with new themes and newer talent is his favorite pastime, but has it gone to his head? I think it has. Making inane movies and then remaking them (anyone remember 'James' and then 'Shiva'?) hardly sounds to be the stuff coming from the director of 'Rangeela', 'Satya', 'Company' and 'Sarkar'. But then 'truth is stranger than fiction!'

Also mentioned:
Farhan Akhtar: Surprised? Well, though I believe 'Lakshya' was not as bad as critics made it to be and 'Don' also was ok, I don't think these two came anywhere near the cult status quality that 'Dil Chahta Hai' earned rightfully. But I believe he has still lot to deliver.

You may agree, you may disagree with my list. I am ready for the brickbats, but all I would want to say is that I would be more than very happy if these people make me eat my words!

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Chak De! India : The Review

The greatest challenge in reviewing a movie is that when you are writing the review a few weeks after its release, all the choicest adjectives (and expletives) are already taken and you have a dual challenge of not only being honestly critical about the movie, but also ensure that it doesn’t sound cliched! In the case of ’Chak De’, this task is even more difficult, since not only adjectives have been taken, but also all the aspects of the movie have been thoroughly discussed.

And what the heck this movie deserves every ounce of that adulation. So, since I didn’t have anything new to say,I decided to go ahead and find my own stars in this crew. And believe me, it was a very very difficult decision to assign this ranking!

1) Jaideep Sahni: Story,Screenplay and Dialogues.
Writer of last year’s critically appreciated ’Khosla Ka Ghosla’ is in stupendous form this year as well! Sahni dribbles his narrative through so many issues, each bigger than the other, and yet keeps his pace.

He comments on media, which in order of its 24x7 frenzy makes mountain out of thin air, making demons out of errant humans (I really wonder why AajTak agreed to get roped in, for a sequence that clearly shows media on a wrong foot!), on gender inequality and stigma faced by North Eastern citizens (specially the utterly vicious and polluted mindset against NE girls), on the lack of sportsman spirit in this country, which lauds the victors and crucifies the losers (I remembered Chetan Sharma and tried to think what happened to him after that last ball, which was hit for a six by Javed Miandad, in Sharjah), on linguistic divisions and definitely most ruthlessly on the association culture of Indian sports bodies.

And I can write a whole review dedicated only to his dialogues!

2) Amitabh Shukla: Editor
He could very well have been the rank 1 in this list. With longest ever footage canned by a Hindi film, his must have been a mammoth task to cut out the most engrossing 2.5 hours out of it, and he does it so well that he almost gives this film pace of a thriller.

3) Rob Miller: Sports Coordinator, Action Director
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the man behind those wonderful, edge-of-the-seat action hockey matches. He ensures that the movie has a great energy and the soul of film, hockey is as lively as it deserves to be.

4) Shimit Amin : Director
Ohh well, please forgive me that captain of the ship is not in the top three of this list, but this is just because his technicians are absolutely great. Doing only his second film, let’s hope Amin gives some sane ideas in the head of his mentor, RGV, whose ’Aag’ has been reduced to cinders in one weekend only!
He must have brought smiles to the faces of Yashraj Films’ honchos who were under heavy fire after a miserable year with "Ta Ra Rum Pum’ and ’Jhoom Barabar Jhoom’.
(A stray thought: Having the man whose life you are making the movie on, in your team definitely helps. I am talking about Mir Ranjan Negi, who is the hockey coach of this movie!)

5) Salim Suleiman: Music
Fabulous background score! There is passion and energy in the music which adds thump to the flavor of the film. If ’Chak De’ wants you to pump your fist in the air with joy of victory, ’Maula’ really tugs your heart strings.

Also Rans:
Cinematographer Sudeep Chaterjee who has captured hockey matches, skyline of Melbourne and Delhi’s India Gate with great flourish!
Art Director Sukant Panigrahy : Attention to details, really caught my attention. All the teams play in their real country colours and ball is a real FIH approved one!!
Casting Director Abhimanyu Ray : He is the guy who collected that team of 16!

That brings us to Shahukh ’Kabir’ Khan and his gang of 16! You all have seen them and adored them, so I won’t say much except that my favorites are Vidya Malavde (playing Vidya Sharma) and then Anaitha Nayar (playing Aliya Bose)

And now again I am missing those adjectives to praise this movie!

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