Crickwitty! Witty tweets on cricket.

Ever since Pitch-Invasion.in started #crickwit contest I have put my witty cap on and the result has not been too bad (atleast I think so!) since I was declared crickwitter of the day on two days. Here are some of the tweets hashtagged with #crickwit.

Tell me if you like them!

Punjab team openers consume too much power. One is an AC (Gilchrist) and other is a PC (valthaty)!

30 Apr (KKR vs KXIP)

Now I understand why Queen didn't invite anybody from Punjab team to #RoyalWedding. Afterall they are "King's Eleven"!

30 Apr (KKR vs KXIP)

Did Abhimanyu Mithun learn Disco steps when he was in the womb.

29 Apr (PW vs RCB)

How did Yuvi convince Subrat Roy to take Ryder? He said 'O ji, Jesse jaisi koi nahin'

29 Apr (PW vs RCB)

Now bookies can do spot fixing on things like 'will Deepika kiss Malya today or not' or 'how long the hug will be'!

29 Apr (PW vs RCB)

How much ever slow he may be playing, Pollard is the 'Asha ki Kieron' for Mumbai!

29 Apr (MI vs RR)

Anjali Tendulkar to Warne: pLiz don't hurl(y) any advice towards my husband!

29 Apr (MI vs RR)

If Mumbai lose today will everyone make fun of them saying 'Shane, Shane'

29 Apr (MI vs RR)

The fairplay award should go to Mumbai only. Afterall there is so much 'Sach' in Tendulkar!

29 Apr (MI vs RR)

At a time when Rajasthan Royals should have been trending, British Royals are! #RoyalWedding

29 Apr (MI vs RR)

Both KKR and DD do Brrrr, while their game makes their fans do grrr.

28 Apr (KKR vs DD)

KKR took Morgan hoping for More Gain but he is doing Merely Gone!

28 Apr (KKR vs DD)

Morne Morkel's form has been enough to get him called Mourn(e) Morkel!

28 Apr (KKR vs DD)

What is similarity between Manoj Tiwari,cricketer and Manoj Tiwari the Bhojpuri Singer? Kya yaar, same name hai aur kya!

28 Apr (KKR vs DD)

God forbid if India doesn't do well under new coach, he will be called 'Deccan' Fletcher!

27 Apr (KTK vs DC)

PW has taken players to match their horseman logo: A (Horse)Ryder,Prince (Yuvraaj) and even Robin(hood)!

27 Apr (PW vs CSK)

Pune Warriors have horse in their logo, but the team has become a one horse cart (or a one warrior army!)

27 Apr (PW vs CSK)

Chennai gets so much sun that they should be completely immune to harmful effects of 'Yuvi' rays!

27 Apr (PW vs CSK)

Since CSK has no maidens to support them like RR/RCB/KTK their bowlers have to bowl maidens to keep morale hight!

27 Apr (PW vs CSK)

New #IndiaCoach is quite old. I hope players don't call him Duncan Stretcher! #Fletcher

27 Apr

So should the players organize a party for the new coach since he is Duncan 'Fresher' #Fletcher #IndiaCoach

27 Apr

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More money-making ideas for IPL

"There is too much cricket in IPL!" The Fuhrer (Lalit Modi) said

"Citi moment of success for IPL!" shouted L Sivaram Krishnan. Fuhrer smiled at him. This chap is so devoted.

"No Siva. This is not success. If conducting cricket was our motive there is already so much international cricket. We need to generate more revenues."

"Oh you mean we need to have a DLF maximum of advertising." Shastri quipped. I can shout louder and speak more words than Siva.

Fuhrer gave a sharp glance to Shastri. Someone was right, when these people are good for nothing, they become commentators.

He looked at his trusted marketing team and they didn't disappoint him.

"Fuherer, I suggested this earlier. We should show ads after every ball rather than after 2-3 balls in the mid of over."

"Hmmm. You are right and in-commentary advertising too needs to be toned up. We are still sticking with Citi and DLF and this new Karbonn."

"We can rename a dot ball as DLF minimum." An intern said sheepishly. Everyone was taken aback by her quick thinking. Fuhrer smiled and nodded. "Excellent idea!"

Others in marketing team eyed the intern with envy, commentators eyed her with appreciation.

"Every ball can be called as a FedEx Sure delivery."

"Every good shot can be called as Cannon Powershot."

"Every four can be called as a Four Square four."

"Every stumping can be called a Samsung Sexy Stumping." To this someone said no no we can't allow a word like that on live TV. Someone or their dog is bound to get their sentiments hurt.

"Ok ok, we can call it Samsung Super Stumping."

"Every wide can be called as LG Extra Wide."

Sunil Gavaskar practiced in his mind.

"Kumble has got a nice start to his last over. His first two FedEx Sure deliveries have fetched DLF Minimums. This was a Canon Powershot from Voges and is it a DLF maximum, no its a Four Square Four. And that would be an LG Extra Wide on the leg side. A Googly and that's a Samsung Super Stumping by Boucher. Citi Moment of Success for Kumble."

"Every double can be called as Do-CoMo."

Fuhrer had to intervene now, "Fine fine. Commentary vocabulary is enough now. Think of something else."


After a moment of silence someone said "Field umpires can refer almost every decision to 3rd umpire who can take about a minute while we focus on the board and show ads apart from those of Kingfisher. Commentators can keep on saying that this looks close and 3rd umpire is taking a close look. Nobody will suspect anything!"

Fuhrer thought a bit and gave a nod. The man who gave idea sulked that Fuherer didn't praise him like he did the intern.

Someone else said "Generally every ground has 2 pitches. We can name the pitches like they name the ends. So for pitch 1 commentators can say we are playing on Airtel Pitch and pitch 2 can be called as Aircell Pitch or whatever."

The room echoed with praises for the idea-giver.

Fuhrer wasn't looking too happy and he gave vent to his final thought, "All good ideas, but there is still too much cricket in IPL!"

Sivaramkrishnan could not stop himself, "Now, that's a Karbonn Kamal Catch!"

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Tata Sky piggy backs on IPL

As soon as the IPL is about to begin, the GECs (General Entertainment Channels like Colors, Zee, Star Plus, Imagine, Sony) begin to worry about their loyal viewers (read Saas-Bahu watching junta) will be denied their staple diet of soaps due to younger lot hell bent on watching the T20 matches.

Read the full post on my new blog 'Ad and Subtract'.

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Eye Pee Elle Bandwagon!

(Well the reason of that 'Oh-so-clever' title is that I wanted to write something before procrastination gripped me again!)

IPL vs IPL

Indian Premier League vs Indian Political League that is! This is a season of plenty for news channels with both elections and IPL demanding their fare share of airtime. Star News has tried to achieve a not-so-subtle balance by doing a show which they have named - not so

 imaginatively - 'Deepak vs Siddharth'. So Deepak Chaurasia uses a cricket lingo to get you the political news of the day while Siddharth uses , obviously  cricket lingo to give the report of IPL matches! Pretty interesting format I would say.

Run of the underdog

I have put an Adidas poster on my desk featuring Michael Ballack and it reads "If your team

 wins, wear your Team shirt. If your team loses, wear your Team shirt." I haven't switched loyalty after poor performance of Deccan Chargers last year. So this time it was almost heart breaking to see our team neglected, almost outcast, ruled out without even being given a chance, before their first match with Knight Riders. Most of the news channels had not cared to update the Chargers logo in their programming, most of the ads had DC at the fringes and there are hardly any sponsors for this team! 

I was pissed off most by NDTV, which had become a mouthpiece of Knight Riders and before our first match their entire coverage was revolving around KR and SRK with hardly even a mention of DC. Now with KR in deep mess, NDTV must have learnt that it is not good to keep all your eggs in one basket!

Cheer-less leaders

The cheerleaders selected by Knight Riders in NDTV Imagine show 'Knights and Angels' could not perform in South Africa because authorities there forced organizers to use local talent. But the girls were atleast given a free ride to SA by SRK and they got to watch few KR matches too. Ofcourse KR performance would not have brought any cheer to anyone!

Silly moment of Shylockness

I am a very understanding person. Really. I know having a commerical, er strategic break after 10 overs makes a case of 'attempt to murder' the game but they had to do something to recover the increased costs this year. But a break after 6 overs? Definitely it would have put even Shylock to shame!

And I bet the total number of times commentators have spotted 'Citi moment of Success' during a game must be more than the total moments of success put together by entire Citi group during last year and half. Unlike that dreaded 'DLF Maximum' I have still not been able to understand why and how a moment gets its name linked to the Citigroup. BTW, does DLF really think, renaming a sixer will fool people in buying more of their flats?

Adding the ads

IPL has found special liking from infrastructure sector it seems! If the IPL's title sponsor is DLF, last year's both finalists have cement companies as their title sponsors. Chennai Superkings is obviously owned by India Cements, Rajasthan Royals has got UltraTech Cement as theirs!

Shilpa Shetty's team has HDFC Standard Life, Puma and TCS (!!!) apart from 5 others. They don't mention Real (the new Miditech owned GEC) surprisingly.  

MSD is doing most commercials these days, so it comes as no surprise that his team CSK has maximum number of sponsors: 15 and that includes 'Official Face-Care partner Nivea'.

KKR has 11 sponsors including brands like Nokia, Sprite, TAG Heuer, Star Plus and Reebok.

King's XI Punjab have heavy weight Emirates as Title Sponsor along with nine more, including Gulf Oil. 

Delhi Daredevils have a very impressive sponsor list which includes GMR, Hero Honda, Coca Cola, Kingfisher Airlines and Adidas among others. They have got a rich media presence too with Fever 104 FM and some Network 18 channels and sites. 

Mumbai Indians has 12 with RIL, MasterCard, Idea, Pepsi and Adidas being the noteworthy names. 

Deccan Chargers being the poor church mouse have to be content with Puma, Pepsi, Kingfisher, McDowell's, Big 92.7 FM and Odyssey (chain of book stores). 

I found no mention of sponsors on RCB site. Maybe it is below Vijay Mallya's dignity to accept that others are sponsoring his team ;)

The least score

What is the minimum amount you have used a credit card for? I bet you can't beat my score. 12. Yes. 10+2=12. No zeroes missing. Just good old 12!

I purchased the DC anthem on their site and it cost me Rs. 12 which had to be paid by card. And to be honest, it is not even worth that money!

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