Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Quarter-Life Crisis just got worse!

I remember, it was a mail from Neha, when I first heard this term. I mentioned every single feeling that I was having and I thought 'Wow. It happens to others also. I am not the only jerk out there!'

But then knowing that many others are thinking the same doesn't make any difference to what I am feeling. Right!

In a previous post I told about the quagmire of marriages in which I am caught. It doesn't seem to end. My roomy is going to get engaged on 12th Dec. (No he is not the same flatmate who is going to get married on 6th Dec. He is Ravindra.) Crook, he didn't tell me till eleventh hour. Ankur says that I am idiot that I couldn't read the signs.

And just now I come to know that another close friend (am under 'Oath of Confidentiality' so won't mention her name!) is going to get married on same day!

It seems my worst nightmare is coming true. A perfectly lonely life with all friends either busy with their spouse or out of India and nobody to call to. Already I can hardly call anyone in this city and with she also getting married I am thinking I should switch to an STD only plan (to call home). Worse, sharing a flat with someone I don't know. This may sound childish to you but for me this uncertainty is unnerving.

Wikipedia article on 'Quarter Life Crisis' says "Nobody wants to admit to feeling like a 'loser'; this secrecy may intensify the problem." WTF, I admit. I AM feeling like a loser. There have been days when I kept on asking myself what I am doing with my life, what is my goal, what have I achieved till today (this was easiest to answer: Nothing!).

I had pinned so many hopes on my planned start-up I saw that as a goal but don't know what happened I lost faith in it midway and this start-up dream has been stop-down. Don't know if I will ever be able to revive this dream, who knows. (Perhaps that's the reason I want so badly for DYPC to succeed.)

Almost everyone I know is in US, either studying or onsite (some are in Europe also) and I would be lying if I say that I don't want to be there. But I am in this product company and these people had already told me that there would be no onsites, so I can't even hope of going abroad. My relatives ask me when I am going US to which I give them a lame answer 'hamari company nahin bhejti' to which they reply by giving ten examples of son/daughter of some neighbour/relative who was sent onsite twice/thrice/zillion times.

And whenever I go home, my father would say something about my job which would really piss me off. I know he is concerned about me but why the hell can't he appreciate once, what ever I have done. (I know I have done nothing but world doesn't know that yet!) This time it was a tip that I should do MBA. I know everyone does it these days and people say I should do MBA but I don't want to work on excel and powerpoint every single day of my life. I don't want to do MBA and I can't do MS now so what can I do? Nothing! My job doesn't suck and as a matter of fact these days I am doing what I had always wanted to do. But something is lacking somewhere.

It seems I am an emergency case!


manuscrypts said...

..and for every guy, who feels he has a crisis, there are a dozen who'd do anything to be in his shoes :)
but why did you give up on your startup idea?

Vaibhav said...

take it easy .. you will rock !

Amit M Surana said...

like everyone u too shud marry... u dont wanna do MBA, nor MS nor shit.. u need moral support.. so get MARRIED.. :D

If u get married its worst thing u ll feel its early.. n again u r in crisis.... ;)

Now I am in Crisis as to what more comment should I add... lol

Neha said...

I read this blog now...too late...or I would have had a "detailed" discussion with you on the phone on this ;)...newys...not too late...would call you once I reach back Delhi ;)...

Abhishek said... first reply..
Why did everyone feel that I was dieing to get married! I am's just that I was worried that when all friends get married, I would be alone :)

Amit..I dedicate manuscrypts' comment to u :)


Neha..I know!