Thursday, July 23, 2009

Maya Ka Swayamvar

(This blog does not intend to hurt the sentiments of anyone. Any reference to any person living or dead is not meant to demean them and should not be taken seriously.)

On yet another un-eventful day when she transferred 26278 IAS, IPS, IFS, ICS, PCS, TCS, MNS, XXS officers and ordered installation of 626838 more statues of hers and 2 of Kanshi Ram she decided that finally she needs a man to protect her from 24x7 conspiracies of SP, Congress, BJP, RJD, BJD, INLD, UPA, NDA, IRA and 245262 other political parties across the world.

Supremely PR concious that she is, she took a cue from Rakhi Ka Swayamvar which left little to (NDTV) Imagine about her seriousness in getting knotty.

BSP decided to celebrate this momentous day as 'Shaadi Karo Diwas' (Get Married Day). Opposition parties, visibly jealous of her matrimonial affairs, decided to celebrate it as 'Sarkaar ko Talaaq Do Diwas' (Divorce this Government Day). The association of marriage counselors applauded opposition as they anticipated an increase in their clientale. The association of wedding planners publically thanked Mayawati as they believed people will get inspired by their supreme leader and get married in expensive wedding ceremonies. But their joy was shortlived as Mayawati asked them to cut the crap and send a cheque of Rs. 400 million.

BSP MLAs and MPs were given mandate to recieve cash 'gifts' from their constituencies. The opposition claimed that Government is collecting money forcibly but Satish Chandra Mishra explained to an excited media that party members were just acting as facilitators for public which wanted to give a shagun in their beloved CM's marriage but didn't know how to do so. He also announced that all the cash gifts would be exempted from income tax but this proposal was shot down by income tax department. Responding to this Mayawati said that this is yet another instance that Congress was conspiring to kill her, insult the dalits and prohibiting development of U.P.

As for the venue of Swayamvar, Ambedkar Park was chosen unanimously and since it does not have residential facilities yet, PWD was instructed to raze the nearby hostel and construct a 5-star hotel in place of it. Responding to a PIL filed in Supreme Court to what opposition and media criticised as wasteful expenditure of public money, Government said that the revenue generated by advertising would be utilized in further expanding of Ambedkar Park and installing more statues of Mayawati which would in turn give boost to tourism. The Supreme Court was convinced by noted artist and sculptors from France who said Mayawati's statues are fast gaining popularity and would soon overtake Monalisa as most clicked work of art.

On the scheduled day however there was not even a single suitor at the venue much to chagrin of the channel, advertisers and Mayawati and much to amusement of opposition and national and international media। Mayawati claimed that this is yet another instance that Congress was conspiring to kill her, insult the dalits and prohibiting development of U.P. The Government appointed a CBI enquiry which is yet to give its report but insiders tell us that it was the fine print of the contract of the Swayamvar which said every participant who is rejected by Mayawati would be charged with non-bailable offences under SC/ST Atrocities Prevention Act and their houses would be torched.

(Read this post in Hindi: माया का स्वयंवर)